How useful is it to confess an infidelity?

Entering into a monogamous relationship is no problem for many people - at least in the beginning. The butterflies in the stomach are omnipresent. Nothing seems to dampen the newfound happiness - until everyday life sets in.

After a few arguments, some couples often only see the things that are obviously not working in the relationship. The beautiful moments, of which there are certainly enough, are forgotten.

If, on top of that, the sex life leaves something to be desired in the stress of everyday life, it sometimes doesn't take long before one of the people concerned (or maybe both?) starts looking around right and left. Many people cheat when they are dissatisfied. And this despite the fact that cheating has been established as a "no-go" in most relationships beforehand.

Among other things, it was the Corona pandemic that caused the cards to be reshuffled in many partnerships. A mix of home office and quarantine ensures that the harmony level drops. Those who then cheat because they are dissatisfied with the overall situation often find themselves confronted with completely new issues.

Does a fling mean that love has fallen by the wayside?

Many researchers and experts are certain that a fling - as unromantic as it may sound - can actually occur in the best relationships. The animal instinct is not monogamous.

Or in other words: romantic fidelity "until death do them part" is beautiful to behold in nature, but actually irrelevant to begin with.

Rather, it is a cultural concept invented by humans. At the same time, however, this kind of cheating is extremely hurtful - especially when the cheated person feels betrayed and taken advantage of.

Fortunately, however, there are some tips that can possibly help make a partnership a little more unassailable against infidelity.

Why do people cheat?

Many men (and women, for that matter) cite a lack of communication as the reason for their infidelity.

Conversely, this means: If you talk to each other in a relationship, you may also be able to reduce the risk of an infidelity. Of course, this also means listening to your partner, responding to his or her needs and investing in the relationship.

Should an infidelity be confessed or not?

The infidelity has happened. And now? Many people who have cheated only realise the seriousness of the situation when it is already too late and a guilty conscience sets in. The tormenting thoughts often threaten to eat them up inside. Many fear losing their great love if they talk openly about the infidelity. At the same time, it is difficult to live with one's own guilt.

In this context, experts repeatedly emphasise that a one-time infidelity does not necessarily have to be confessed. As a rule, it makes more sense to work out the conflict with oneself.

But: a prolonged affair, in which the person concerned has usually already become entangled in a web of lies anyway, should usually be better confessed to the partner. If a person is repeatedly drawn to another person, this indicates that there are fundamental problems within the relationship.

Very important: prepare for the interview!

Those who want to (or have to) confess their infidelity should prepare themselves and at the same time try to assess the partner's reaction - at least roughly. Moreover, it would be wrong to expect that the betrayed person is pleased to be enlightened, thanks you for your honesty and then everything is back to normal.

The likelihood that a person who has just been very hurt will withdraw is high. However, such behaviour should be accepted. After all, everyone deals with disappointment differently.

The alternative: the "open relationship" concept

An open relationship offers both partners the opportunity to have sex with other people without cheating on the boyfriend or husband. Here, a clear distinction is made between partnership and sex.

So if you are honest with yourself and know that you have problems with monogamy, you would be well advised to play with your cards on the table from the outset so that you don't have to realise afterwards that you have hurt the person you love very much.

Have you noticed? Ricky Martin supports the campaign for a "Pulse" memorial.